


Memories

by Naerryn



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, The Mandalorian (TV)
Genre: Darth Sidious (mentioned) - Freeform, Darth Vader (mentioned) - Freeform, F/M, Mace Windu (mentioned) - Freeform, Yoda (mentioned) - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-01
Updated: 2019-12-01
Packaged: 2021-02-26 03:00:01
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,202
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21636241
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Naerryn/pseuds/Naerryn
Summary: During the long-term stay with the “Pirate Queen”, Maz Kanata, an unlikely couple enters the castle one day and conjure up old memories.
Kudos: 19





	Memories

**Author's Note:**

> Loosely Part two of "Coldest Shoulder". Female Sith!Reader.

A comforting feeling of numbness washed over my mind when the blurred outlines of a small silhouette stepped into my view. I opened my mouth in an attempt to speak, begging them to help me, but my voice died in my throat as my world went black.

My eyes fluttered open and I tried to block the bright light from my view with one of my arms, but groaned between gritted teeth caused by the sharp pain I instantly felt on the right side of my body.

“You were alive, but barely breathing when I found you.”, a female voice spoke close to me, and I turned my face around to meet slim figure of a creature I’ve never seen before. The orange skinned woman was short and her brown eyes behind thick glasses looked back at me with a mixture of curiosity and caution. But most importantly, she had a tight grip around the handle of my lightsaber.

“You’re a Sith.”, she said with a soft nod towards the item in her small hands. I remained silent, my heavy chest raised and felt slowly while my view stayed on her brown eyes.

The intense stare of her eyes surrounded her with a superior aura, like she stood above all doubt and already knew all the answers to every question she was about to ask me. An aura that reminded me of the Emperor in a rather unpleasant way.

“What’s a Sith doing all by herself? Badly injured on top of it.”

“I was seeking knowledge.”, I replied hoarsely, slowly lifting my upper body from the hard surface I was laid down on and balanced my weight on my elbows. I hissed in pain, but it was nothing I wasn’t used to.

Now I was able to notice the chair on which the woman stood on, her forehead knitted in wonder as she watched me in silence. The look in her eyes gently begged me to explain myself.

“Peace is a lie, there is only passion. Through passion, I gain strength. Through strength, I gain power. Through power, I gain victory. Through victory, my chains are broken. The Force shall free me.”, I recited the Code of the Sith, earning a dramatic roll of the eyes of the woman next to me, who softly sighed in respond.

“The Emperor has beaten it into my head.”, I said as I tapped against my head with a finger. “I want to be free.”

“Just like the rest of the Galaxy.”, the short woman respond with a shrug before she lifted her thick glasses, revealing her formally huge brown eyes to be nothing more than a pair of tiny dark orbs. It was almost comical. 

“You were close to him?”

“I’m... I was a Child of the Emperor. His Voice. Both are nothing more than a title.”

“And the catacombs?”, she asked me a moment later, one of her hands against her chin as she tilted her head to lightly the side.

I told her about my desire for freedom, no matter how much the Emperor tortured me. That there was something I couldn’t place my finger on, like a voice in the back of my mind telling me that all of this is wrong. I mentioned Mara Jade, another Child of the Emperor, who’s under the strong influence of our Master. And then there was Grand Admiral Thrawn, and how I spend the last couple years working with him.

“He was the one telling me about the catacombs. We wanted to investigate them together, but”, I stopped mid-sentence, looking away from the orange skinned woman as I painfully remembered the events that lead to our separation.

“I... I visited a couple places he had mentioned before, but most of them turned out to be dead ends. But the catacombs were different. I encountered something, a force ghost. She shared her knowledge, and I freed her from this existence. I got overpowered and”

“I found you.”, she finished my sentence calmly and I softly nodded in respond.

“That’s a fine story, my dear, but I fear that there’s no happy end. The Emperor will hunt and kill you for high treason, and the Rebels will murder you in cold blood because of who you are.”, her words echoed through the air and made me cringe, knowing that her words were nothing but true. I was an outlaw and had a target on my back.

“Except...”

“Except?”, I quickly turned my head around and watched her thin lips twisted into a mischievous smile with a finger pressed against them.

“Except you work for me. I could make good use of someone with your skills and no one fucks with Maz Kanata.”

“Who’s Maz Kanata?”

“Me, idiot.”

~

Several years had passed since Maz Kanata took me under her wings. I accompanied the force-sensitive pirate on her travels around the galaxy. The Emperor was dead, killed by his own twisted creation, Darth Vader, and a new galactic Senate was founded.

For what felt like the first time in my life, I was in full control of my own path. No strings attached on me. Maz paid me for my service, told me I could take a ship and start my own journey whenever I want to, but I told her that I am right where I need to be.

~

Stretching her limbs, Maz Kanata stood on the dirty ground a couple steps ahead of me as I walked down the loading ramp of the Stranger’s Fortune. Emmie, an ancient protocol droid, arrived at Maz’s personal landing field at the Takodana Castle just when I stepped next to her mistress.

“I will leave you to your business.”, I told Maz when I walked past her, throwing my back bag over one shoulder before I nodded to Emmie a quick welcome. All I wanted was a hot shower and clean clothes, I thought to myself as I heard the droid greeting the Pirate Queen.

The long main hall of the Castle somewhat felt like home, crowded by travelers and smugglers, among others. Their host loved to remember me of the first time I set foot on her homeworld. I almost passed out from the overwhelming impact of the Force on this planet, but over time, I learned to ignore the echoes of the past.

A catchy tune was played by the musicians as I waved casually at more familiar faces. Their words drowned under the loud music, but the amused smiles on their faces told me it was nothing too heart-warming they called out to me.

Turning around as I continued walking in the direction of the staircase which lead to my chambers, I flipped a smuggler the finger as I caught a few scraps of his words. Something involving my ass and his lap. I saw his mouth moving, the space between us growing as I walked backwards through the crowd.

I came to an abrupt halt, my back colliding gently with something solid and when I turn around to look at what I thought to be a wall, I stared at the menacing T-shaped visor of a helmet.

‘Out of every fucking person I could run into, it had to be a Mandalorian.’, I cursed myself silently and swiftly turned around on the spot. The visitors of Takodana Castle had to follow the rules, which required no violence of any sort.

Yes, I am trained in the Force, to say the least, but getting on the bad side of a Beskar armored Mandalorian was never written down on my to do list before I die.

“I am so sorry.”, I raised hands up to my shoulders, but I looked away from the T-shaped visor of the tall warrior and down to the ground when a sound, which didn’t match the sonority of the current song, reached my ears.

A hard punch in the stomach felt like a peaceful walk at the riverside of the Nymeve Lake compared to the cold wave of memories that washed over me once my eyes landed on the tiny, green creature that stood right next to the feet of the Mandalorian.

Coruscant. The Temple. Master Yoda. The Jedi Code. Master Windu, who locked me away in his chambers to keep me, his Apprentice, save as he and three other Masters left to confront the Supreme Chancellor Sheev Palpatine. The door being destroyed. Anakin Skywalker. No, Darth Vader. Lighting. My screams filling the air.

I felt cold and my body started shaking strongly before I threw up, a pool of vomit spread out onto the floor and the feet of the Mandalorian while the tiny creature jumped clumsily to save itself.

A deep, unsatisfied groan reached my ears as the music stopped playing. The main hall of the Castle was covered in silence and I felt countless pairs of eyes staring holes into the back of my head. Some were probably already placing bets on how painful and slow my death will me.

Maz’s voice rang through the air, but it was nothing more then muffled sounds as I pushed past the broad built person in front of me and ran to the staircase.

‘It looks like Master Yoda.’

With tear-dimmed eyes, I began to hurry up the stairs.

‘I was a Jedi youngling. No, a Padawan. I was picked by Master Windu not that long before Darth Sidious caused the near end to the Jedi Order.’

I rushed down the long hallway, almost knocking the door out of the frame once I reached my chambers.

‘The Emperor locked all my memories away. Replaced them with pictures that fitted his liking. Formed me into his puppet on a string no matter how hard I fought against it.’

Throwing myself onto my bed, I buried my face in my pillow and uncontrollable sobs escaped my throat. Peace is a lie, there is only passion. No. There is no emotion, there is peace.

My screams were muffled by my pillow. Fingernails digging themselves into the palm of my hands as I clenched them into fists. I wanted to take my lightsaber out and tear everything into pieces that comes into my way.

“[Y/N]?”

I pushed myself up from the mattress and twisted around to face Maz, who stood in the open door frame. Close behind her stood the Mandalorian, who held the green creature in one of his arms.

“I think I’ll throw up again.”, I exhaled under gritted teeth, holding a hand against my stomach and tried to fight against the urge to puke onto the floor again.

Maz felt my inner struggle, I knew that. She always did. Over the last couple years, there were countless moments when small pieces of suppressed memories came back onto the surface. Every time, Maz was there to catch me.

“Talk to us.”, she spoke again, taking a step closer to me as she entered the room slowly. My eyes traveled from her small figure to the shiny Beskar armor, probably hundreds of years old, reforged into it’s current shape. The Mandalorian had a firm hold on the handle of his blaster.

Within a split second, I stood on my feet, my lightsaber activated in one hand as the vibrating humming of the red blade filled the air. The warrior pointed the barrel of his blaster at me almost instantly.

Maz Kanata raised her voice once again, calling out my name and I turned my head to her.

“Talk to me!”, she demanded firmly.

“It looks like Yoda.”, I pointed at the green creature as I talked and Maz silently stared back at me with wide eyes. She was old enough and too independent from the imperial influence to remember the stories about the Jedi Order and Master Yoda. I didn’t had to explain anything to her.

But the baffled grunt at me, probably from the Mandalorian who’s still pointing his blaster at me, told a different story.

“You knew him.”, her words were a statement, not a question before she nodded her head softly, lost in thoughts for a moment. Locking eyes with me again, she pointed at the lightsaber in my hands with the unspoken request to deactivate it again.

I looked over to the Mandalorian, who hasn’t moved an inch during the entire time and down from his helmet to the fragile looking creature in his arm. Deactivating my lightsaber, I watched the man slowly lowering his own weapon.

“You can stay here as long as you wish, bounty hunter. No payment required.”, Maz said in a serious tone of voice as she turned around to meet the Mandalorian, who grunted in approval and his helmet moved just slightly, telling me that he was directly looking at me before he stepped out of the door frame and onto the hallway.

Once they were out of my sight, I took a deep breath and sat down on the edge of the bed, the handle of my lightsaber falling on the ground with a clanking noise.

Soft-footed, Maz closed the distance between us and placed herself right next to me, leaning her small frame against the side of my body as we sat there in silence.

**Author's Note:**

> You can find more of my work on http://www.naerryn.tumblr.com


End file.
